Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
