I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
