The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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