Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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