why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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