Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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