Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
