i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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