I think I am morally bankrupt
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have fence marks all over my body
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
