How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
