hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
