hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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