pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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