you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
