come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
don't judge my taste in strippers
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
