I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
