I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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