I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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