I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
