I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
