Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just had sex on a roof
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
