I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
