America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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