u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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