Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
