We won't sleep together?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
