I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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