please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
