You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
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