you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
