At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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