You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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