ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
