I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
