spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
