If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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