I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
