he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
