you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
