The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
