He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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