I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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