Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
