i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
