I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
