I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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