my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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