Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
