I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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