where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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