Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
