i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
