There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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