if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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