I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
