so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
