Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
