If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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