Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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