I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
