worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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