A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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