hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
