out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
