i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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