1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I cut my penus on the lid.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
