How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
