I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
