My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
