By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
