dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
